If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

We used to love to read this charming story to our boys. But these days, I have my own version.

It is called If You Buy a New TV. Here is how it goes...

If you buy a new tv to replace the old floor model, you will probably need to buy a stand for it also.
If you buy a new stand, you will probably find that it doesn't fit in the corner where it needs to be. So you will have to take out the built-in cabinet under the window.

If you take out the built-in cabinet under the window, you will find that you need to change the heat register, since it used to blow out through the cabinet.


If you change the heat register to the floor, you will notice that the brick from the side of the fireplace was removed to make room for the cabinet you took out. The brick will have to be replaced, because now you can see the side of the hearth.

You will want to hook up the surround sound that has been in the family room for 12 years and not used. Because after all, it's a new tv and the speakers have been just sitting there.

So when the sound guy hooks up the surround sound, he will tell you that the surround sound never worked before because you need a new receiver.

When you buy a new receiver and get the sound guy back, he will hook everything up. Three hours later, he will tell you that because of the way it was wired originally, some components sit under the tv and some are behind the couch in the armoire. In order to adjust the volume, you have to click over your shoulder, and have the doors to the cabinet open. So you will probably need to buy a new radio controlled remote, or never close the doors when the tv is being used.

When you buy the new remote, it comes with a guy to program it. It takes him three hours to program the remote, and it is very complicated. When he leaves, everything is fine. The next day, for some reason beyond our understanding, the tv has no sound. We have a Packer party planned, and there is no sound! After many frantic calls to the store, a salesman reached the remote control programmer, who does not work on weekends, and convinces him to make a house call on Saturday.


When the programmer comes on his day off and fixes the sound, you are grateful. You give him a big tip and have the party.


At the party, a guest says "Gee, that tv stand is kinda junky. The doors are hard to open and it sticks out into the room. I see you had to remove the cabinet to get it to fit in the corner. Now you need to fix the bricks and the vent. Why didn't you just have me make you a stand for the new tv?"


So you check to see if the old one can be returned, then say "OK" and hire him to build a new cabinet for the tv...


Do you see where this is going? Everything touches something else, and nothing is easy!

If this were only the end, that would be one thing. But no! There's more. Because nothing is easy, remember?