Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wordful Wednesday: Topsy Turvy Tomato Tragedy

As many of you know by now, I was "experimenting" with Topsy Turvy Tomatoes. Well, turns out I am the Tomato Torturer. Plants that come home with me are marching toward certain death. You can almost hear them at the garden center, saying "Take him! He's much nicer than I am..." Pleading to be spared.

It's not that I don't try. I plant them with the best of intentions. Water them. Pinch off the suckers. Fertilize. Hope.

I've tried several different locations in the yard, looking for the place with just the right amount of sunshine. I've amended the soil. I've planted in pots and in half whiskey barrels. I 've doused them with Miracle Grow for Tomatoes. Bought young plants and plants that already have little green tomatoes on them. I've sought advice from experts.

This year, in my never-ending quest for the perfect home-grown tomato, I've spared no expense. I spent lots of $$ on the project. Huge 8 X 8 cedar timbers with copper tops, wrought iron hooks, and the infomercial-touted suspended planters. I planted them with fertilizer-enhanced, moisture-controlled soil. Placed them in a sunny locale. Watered daily.

And this is the result...

Our pal Jerry, who supplies us with his home-grown delights, diagnosed the problem as blossom end rot. Too much water. Too much love. Too funny! To him, that is.

They hang on the "Tomato Gallows" (thanks, kids), blow in the wind, and wilt. So I water them. Every day. It's a vicious cycle of wilt and water. The more they wilt, the more I water.

He's seen the struggles. It cracks him up. Thinks all you have to do is buy some plants and plant 'em. Yeah, right. Says his grow like weeds, and not to worry. They'll have enough in his garden to eat their fill, can salsa, and still be able to feed my BLT cravings.

Good! 'Cause I love home-grown tomatoes! I just can't home-grow 'em.

BTW, this tragedy is brought to you by Angie and her Wordful Wednesday. Well, she sponsors this weekly gathering. Today, I'm supplying the drama.

11 comments:

Sweet Annabelle said...

I feel your pain! I used to have monster tomato plants with no effort whatsoever, then the magic left me. NOTHING I do can make tomatoes grow here again! I've considered the topsy turvy thing - am glad to see that I don't need to waste my $. So sorry, though that it didn't work out for you!


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MIra is triplet crown said...

Ha! I saw the commercials for that thing and wondered why they don't fall out of them? Sorry they didn't work, but you know infomercials make everything look easy. Nothing like a tomato from your garden though. Some day I might find time for that, educational for the kids and all, but not today!

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Melissa B. said...

Geez, Louise! And they were so prettyin the Spring...

MommaD said...

So sorry that your tomato plans often go awry, glad that you have a willing supplier for your home grown habit ;)

Tiaras said...

well, mine did not turn out either - I didn't over water - but I just got like 4 tomotoes - that was it! I wont' use that thing again

Susie said...

I am sorry to hear your topsy turvy experience was not a successful one:-)

Vanessa Rogers said...

We (my mom and I) kill everything growing in the soil as well. But not usually from too much love, mostly from neglect. I hope you can get them to work for you next year!

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry about the tomatoes!

Marrdy said...

Oh my goodness. How sad. I had such high hopes for your tomatoes. If you were close you could have some of mine! There is always next year, right?

Aunt Julie said...

You won't believe this, but Uncle Lynn watered them...and they're BACK. Or seem to be. We'll see. Maybe my being gone and having him in charge will help! I really want at least ONE nice tomato...

Deb said...

My husband and so relate to her dilema.

We love home-grown tomatoes, but find it difficult to grow them like his parents used to do.

Love the phrase "tomato gallows".

Sweet dreams.