Sunday, December 21, 2008

Singing a Grinch-Like Tune

In recently More Festive Missives, I've posted the praises of all The Merry Movies packaged for our Holiday Enjoyment; I've caroled my joy over Holiday Music Makers; I've even lambasted the losers who deigned to Shut Down a Church Christmas Tree Lot.

But today, the Sunday Before Christmas, I'd like to just say one thing. I've. Had. Enough. Enough of those folks who think they're being funny, or cute, or poignant, or All Three, by recording Stupid, Tacky and/or Sappy Holiday Songs.

Yes, I love Alvin and the Chipmunks. Quite Christmasey, in a chessy way, of course. But beyond those cute critters, and a few other novelty tunes, I find nothing funny nor cute about Dead Grandfolks, Toilet Paper Runs to 7-11 or Drunk Daddies, especially around this particular holiday season. And if I hear that song about The Shoes for Mama one more time, I might have to blow holiday chunks all over my dashboard.

A brief explanation. Our local "easy listening" station goes All Christmas, All the Time, some time around Turkey Day. I am happy to pre-select this station on my car radio. I listen to Nat King Cole, Mariah Cary, and even Donna Summer carol the Tidings of the Season on my way to and from work. And I hear a lot of awesome tune-age this time of year. But I have to Draw. The. Line. Somewhere!

Here, then, is Veggie Mom's Top 10 list of The Worst Holiday Tunes Ever. Please Feel Free to add your thoughts on the matter. I'll be back to my Happy Holiday Self tomorrow. I promise!

10. The Christmas Shoes. OK, I'm sorry this little boy's mama is in a bad way. But the family seems as if it can use the money for more pressing matters. Why do you suppose new shoes will help the situation?

9. Snoopy vs. The Red Baron. I adore Snoopy and all of Charles Schulz's Peanuts Gang. But I can't figure out the purpose of this song by The Royal Guardsmen. Is it a One-Hit Wonder? It seems like a blatant nod to commercialism to me.

8. Anything by the Beach Boys. Well, Little Saint Nick is OK, I suppose. Hope I'm not insulting any nostalgia buffs. But they can't sing. Seriously.

7. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Not amusing. At all.

6. Merry Christmas from the Family, recorded by Rosie O'Donnell and The Dixie Chicks. I really liked Rosie's first Christmas CD. And I love the Dixies. This song, though, is just in bad taste. Plus, it really stretches Rosie's already limited musical abilities.

5. Merry Christmas from the Family, recorded by Robert Earl Keene. Think this is the original of this abysmal song. I always picture Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy when I hear it. Not funny, even in a quaint I-Don't-Have-No-Teeth-So-I-Think-I'll-Make-Fun-of-My-Circumstances-Because-Everyone-Else-Will-Anyway kinda way. Pitiful.

4. Santa Baby, recorded by Madonna. Why did she think she could cover something by
The Great Eartha Kitt?

3. Please, Daddy, Don't Get Drunk for Christmas. The Late, Great John Denver should have known better. What a downer.

2. I Want a Hippo for Christmas. What is this song?

1. Your Choice Here. Please. Well, I could only come up with nine nasty songs. Let's get the Seasonal Snarkiness into Full Swing. But just for today, OK?

15 comments:

Rachael said...

You have pretty much covered them all, but I take exception to the Beach Boys....sorry I grew up in Southern Calif! The Beach Boys Christmas is what I grew up with! I can't stand Mariah Carey or Clay Aiken. But...I think the absolute cheesiest song is the Carpenters "I wish you Merry Christmas"....can't stand the "logs on the fire, fill me with desire" line! Ugh!

annie kelleher said...

okay in the spirit of snarkiness - i vote for ANYTHING by alvin and the chipmunks. yes, they're funny as cartoon characters and in small doses but when they open up their mouths to sing, i cover my ears.

and i have to confess that i think gramma got run over by a reindeer is one of the all time funniest songs ever but then i had a mean gramma and the thought of her getting run over by a reindeer really helped me cope with her in later years - when she got even meaner!!! she'd be mean and i'd just sit there and smile, imagining her getting run over by some reindeer... walking home from our house christmas eve... :)))

Z's Mom said...

Awwwww....I like the Hippo song....:(

RebeccaMom said...

I'm with ya on the wierd and sappy Christmas tunes! I like the classic and traditional done in a modern way! I have been listening to Chris Rice the living room sessions which is just piano doing classic Christmas songs- WONDERFUL! I am normally not into that kind of music, but Christmas is about tradition for me :)

RebeccaMom said...

I forgot to say I stopped by from SITS! Merry Christmas!

Mrs4444 said...

I only play The Carpenters at Christmas, so I avoid all the other garbage :) Great post, BTW!

And yes, those were Krumkake. If you go to http://Mrs4444cooks.blogspot.com, you'll see a whole post about making them. Maybe your daughter would like to swap recipes? I tried a new one this year (the night before the big day) and it did not pass, but I am always open to new recipes.

BTW, which Popr is your son putting in the chocolate milk??

Kathleen said...

I loved this post! I couldn't agree more with all of the songs, including the Beach Boys whose Christmas songs I absolutely hate (although their other songs are marginally ok). I definitely have to add anything by Cyndi Lauper too, like Santa Baby. Yuck!

Oh, and I can't stand that George Michael song "Last Christmas." And of course that Christmas Shoes song.

And I'm probably the only person on earth who hates Josh Groban's voice. To me it sounds like a parody of "great" singing. Ok, everyone, feel free to blast me on that one.

Melissa B. said...

Hmmmmmmm...I really do like Karen Carpenter and anything Christmasy that she does...but I'm with you on Grandma & the Reindeer...I'm against violence of all sorts!

BTW, please don't forget my Silly Sunday Sweepstakes today. Got a nice Seasonal Snap for ya!

greedygrace said...

I'm sorry, I have to disagree with Madonna's version of Santa Baby. I love that one! It makes Lisa's top ten!

My least favorite song is that one by Wham. SO overplayed. And Dude, you got dumped A YEAR AGO! Get over it already!

Simply AnonyMom said...

Hubby's favorite christmas song is "Christmas Wrapping" by the waitresses. I HATE that song. I do not get it.

Oh and at work they play Christmas songs non stop. I have grown to loathe Jessica Simpson. Her voice is worse than a cat puking up a hairball. She has taken a song I loved (baby it's cold outside) and brought it to where I want to puncture my ear drums every time it is played!!

Ritch in Love said...

Don't hate me, but I love the Muppets Christmas. I grew up with the record and loved hearing my favorite Muppets sing....

BUT I have to agree with you on the Santa Baby by Madonna. And! I can't stand Grandma Got Runover...Ew! How horrible!

iheartbowheads.blogspot.com said...

Cute post! I hate anything where they take a good old song and have a pop princess with half her clothes on sing it. :)

Tracy P. said...

No #10 needed. You can count #1 twice for me, What in the world is that supposed to do for anyone at this time of year???

Dawn said...

Great post!!! I am not sure what that hippo song is either! I hope you had a great weekend!

Michelle said...

Uh oh. You aren't going to like me anymore. I was actually thinking about doing a post this week about the shoe song and how I literally tear up every time it comes on the radio. I was driving with the wee ones to a birthday party yesterday and it came on. I explained to Mister Man what was going on in the song and kept having to stop so I wouldn't burst into tears right then. Sad, I know.

And ummm I like the hippo song. It always makes me smile.

And there are other horrid songs out there... but I always switch the channel too fast to get stuck with them in my head or remember them. This year? I have FIVE stations of Christmas music to choose from!